


If I Never Knew You

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Disney Song, False Accusations, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Manipulative Snoke (Star Wars), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pocahontas References, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben is taken into custody by Voe and Tai on Elphrona, leading to a different outcome for TROKR for all involved.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 3
Collections: Bad Day Collection, Darkpilot Songbook, The Darkpilot Library





	1. If I never knew you

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call this based on a song I’ve become recently obsessed with: If I Never Knew You from Pocahontas. (Yes, I know it’s a song from a Disney movie. Don’t @ me) 
> 
> Fun fact: Pocahontas was basically my childhood. I actually played and sang “Colors of the Wind” for the school talent show as a kid, and even though I hated the ending, I kept watching that movie over and over again. And I adore Pocahontas herself. She’s just such a badass and the scene where she stops a war pretty much singlehandedly is one of my favorite Disney scenes. (Plus, her father’s subsequent speech. “There will be more killing, but it will not start with me.” I never really thought he was a bad person. Hell, no one in the movie’s really a bad person — well, except Ratcliffe)
> 
> I think Pocahontas/John Smith was one of my earliest Disney OTPs. I know Pocahontas is about as historically accurate as, say, Braveheart, but it’s at least a guilty pleasure of mine.
> 
> Anyway, I hope that my fic is enjoyable. Sorry for the fangirling. :)

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. 

Even as Poe walked up to the prison cell on Hosnia Prime, the holding cell where Ben was supposed to be for questioning, he knew that all of this was wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Ben was supposed to go on to be a great Jedi, Ben was supposed to be a Knight. And Poe — Poe was supposed to go with him.

But apparently, it was. Kare was accompanying him as he approached the place where Ben was being held. Kare, steady, brave. 

The Republic guards stood there, dressed in red and yellow uniforms. One of them, who looked terribly young, spoke up in that moment. “You shouldn’t be there,” she said. 

”We know," Kare said. Then, “My friend’s a...friend of the prisoner. He wants to look into the eyes of the man who burned down the Academy.”

The Republic officers looked at each other, almost as if quietly asking why anyone would want that. Then, “Be quick,” the female Republic officer said. 

Poe turned to look at Kare. Kare didn’t say anything. Merely nodded. 

***

They’d apparently captured him on Elphrona. Voe had stunned him. Poe was at least grateful that she hadn’t tried to kill him. He’d heard that he’d accidentally killed Hennix — the question was why. How. Even the idea of Ben killing someone...there was something wrong with it. 

Even as Poe entered the cell, he noticed there was something wrong, all wrong, with Ben being cuffed. Surrounded by ysalamiri. He stopped in his tracks, stopped and took Ben in. How could his own mother allow this? 

At least Leia seemed to think it was killing her as much as anything. At least. 

”Ben.” Poe said softly. 

Ben raised his head, smiled feebly. “Poe. You came.”

Poe ran towards him. Knelt next to him. “Stars, Ben, I’m sorry — ”

”What are you apologizing for?” Ben said. “Nothing about this is your fault.”

"I should have — I couldn’t — oh, Ben.” Poe’s voice broke. “It’s not supposed to be this way.”

”Look at me.”

Poe did, and he saw, plain and simply, Ben’s unbridled faith in him. His adoration. It was always there, even when Poe blatantly didn’t deserve it. 

”There’s so much wrong with this situation,” Ben said. “But there’s nothing wrong with you, Poe. Stars, if I never knew you...I don’t think I’d have someone to hold onto in times like this. Someone to turn the darkness into light. You don’t know what you did for me.”

”I feel the same way,” Poe said. When Poe had come back from Kijimi, Ben had had the utmost faith in him. Loved him and believed in him. “You don’t know what you did for me either, Ben. I know you wouldn’t kill Hennix on purpose.”

”I was deflecting the lightsaber...” Ben’s voice cracked as he spoke. "Stars, Poe — the way he looked, I swear it’ll stay with me until the day I die..."

Hesitantly, Poe put a hand to his cheek. 

Ben smiled, if faintly. “Thank you.” Then, “Are you okay?”

"I’m coping,” Poe said. "I’m just...grateful to you, Ben. I...” He swallowed. “I love you, Ben."

”I had a feeling.” A beat. “I don’t know why. When did you know you loved me?"

”When you believed in me,” Poe said. 

Though, truthfully? Poe could say that he’d been in awe of Ben since they were kids, only to remember it again when he came back from Kijimi. 

"Of course I did. I love you too. Poe...whatever happens to me tomorrow, I’m glad I knew you.”

”Yeah. So am I.”

Kare arrived just then, just to tell Poe he needed to leave. Poe nodded towards Ben. He’d find a way to free Ben. He had to.

***

”You really do love him, don’t you?” Kare said. 

They took the shuttle back to the Academy. BB-8, next to them, dwooed mournfully. 

”He’s...” Poe took a deep breath. “He’s a good man. And even after everything that happened, I believe in him."

Kare squeezed his shoulder. “The way you look at him — it’s the way I feel around Snap. It really is.”

”Yeah. You and Snap.”

Poe blinked, feeling tears well up in his eyes. 

”We’ll fix this,” Kare said. “I promise. You’re my friend, Poe — and I don’t want to see you sad...”

”Yeah.” Poe said. “I know.”


	2. if I never felt this love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke takes advantage of the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I never thought I’d update this again, but here I am. I’m just feeling really bad for jumping to conclusions about Adam; for clarification, see here: https://mobile.twitter.com/AdamDriverFiles/status/1357070454696026114?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet
> 
> I mean, the article wasn’t very clear, but I legitimately don’t understand why people decided to freak out over...well, view the screenshots for more. I wish that people would at least believe the actress when she said it was a misunderstanding. Surely believing victims also means believing someone when they say their words were taken out of context?
> 
> I’m all for believing victims. I just think that this is a huge misunderstanding and people just want something to be mad at. (Huh. One would expect the antis to have been the ones to jump all over this; no idea how they’re reacting to it...)

Vanrak was not a place Snoke truly expected to go, if he was to be perfectly honest. He wasn’t one to dip his toes into going to bars, but Ren was always a bit of a hedonist. Ben Solo was captured. Just as planned. Now Snoke and the others just had to play savior, and Ben would attach his loyalty seamlessly to them. 

It was a culmination. Ben’s destiny. Even as Snoke entered Vanrak’s bar, he could not help but think of another boy. A boy named Aldric, who became Snoke.

Now Ben would become who he was meant to be. 

***

”I’m afraid I have terrible news,” Snoke said. An outsider would be able to have a feeling that at least something wasn’t right, but Ren didn’t see any reason to suspect anything. Especially since he and Snoke were on the same, terribly deranged side. 

“That so, Snoke?” Ren sat up. “What’s up?”

”I’m afraid that Ben’s been captured. By Voe and Tai. Apparently, they think he is the one who destroyed the Jedi Temple...”

Ren sighed. “Figures. They’ll latch onto any excuse to exterminate us. It’s a cycle, isn’t it? Exterminate, revive, exterminate, revive. And now they’ve got the kid?”

”They do,” Snoke said. “And now, I think, is the time to rescue our future apprentice."

Ren tilted his head. Then, “Well, he’s gonna be part of the Knights, I’ll say that much. We’ll have to go and find him. If we find something to burn, all the better.”

Snoke smiled, almost firaxan shark-like. “I am always onboard for that.”

***

”All right, boys, we’ve got a future Knight in trouble.” Ren focused on them, on Vicrul, on Ap’lek, Cardo, Ushar, Trudgen, Kuruk...on Snoke. “We’re not gonna wait ‘till daybreak. We’re heading to Hosnia Prime, and we’re gonna make sure that it burns to the ground. The _ren_ makes it so.”

The Knights cheered. Snoke was stoic, all things considered, but he had that firaxan shark smile that suggested, to Ren, that he would enjoy this immensely. 

Ren had turned his back on the Jedi a long time ago. Now, he was about to make them pay. They should have stayed the hell away from Ben, he thought...and then he wondered where exactly that thought came from. 

***

It was in her Senate building that Leia felt the shift in the Force. The shift...and the terror that was incoming. When they had captured her son, of course the wrath of his allies would be felt as well. 

Leia didn’t want to even think about it. The idea of her son being a murderer. A monster in the mold of his grandfather. It was something that Ben hated her for without a doubt, thinking that he was guilty of murder. 

But even though she knew, in her core, that Ben would never do such a thing, she had to let events play out. Let Ben be tried...and see if her feeling was right or not. 

First, she had to defend Hosnia Prime, of course. That was top priority. 


	3. I would have no inkling of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets with Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They were going to attack at dawn. Ben knew it. 

They would attack, and all of Hosnia Prime would be all but decimated. Including his mother. Ben couldn’t imagine Snoke and the others showing mercy. 

Ben couldn’t imagine the Knights of Ren avoiding raining hell down on Hosnia Prime. He knew that he would sooner see Uncle Luke apologize for nearly trying to kill him than actually seeing an end to the war. 

Uncle Luke would never. 

Why he hadn’t stepped up and tried to clarify things, Ben didn’t know. Mom’s aide, Korr Sella, had mentioned that Uncle Luke had mentioned him attacking the Jedi Temple. 

Ben struggled against the cuffs. He could only wish that he could break free of this. Even if it meant cutting his way out. His uncle...his uncle had accused him. After trying to kill him. He didn’t know why his own uncle would betray him like this, why his uncle would think Darth Vader was worth saving...but not Ben Solo. 

Maybe there was something dirty, something damaged, about Ben Solo. Maybe there was something that had repulsed Luke. Something that...

Leia entered. She just looked so tired. Ben would have felt sympathy for her under other circumstances than this. 

“How many more family members have to betray me?” Ben said. He could all but taste the broken transparisteel in his voice. 

Leia sighed. “I’m just in charge of moving you to a safer place. Where Ren and the others won’t have you killed. I’m evacuating Hosnia Prime, and solidifying the defenses. That way...no one has to be hurt.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Moving me to a ‘safer’ place. A gilded cage is still a cage, Mom. Or are you going to do the ‘from this day forward I have no son’ shit?”

Leia winced. Then, “Ben, it’s hard for me too...”

”You don’t know what ‘hard’ is!” Ben shouted. “Do you even know what it was like, people catching up to me on Elphrona and arresting me without even giving me a chance to give my side of the story? You wanted a villain. Then again, I’d say from the beginning you wanted a villain. Just because you hated your father, and I was just a dark-haired version of him. So you didn’t tell me the truth. Would have made it easier for you to...to hurt me.”

He didn’t miss the wince Leia had. Ben, stupidly, kept going. “Everything about what you’ve been doing is just you doing as little as possible. When my mind was being raped every night, you could have sensed it, but you did _nothing_! You sent me to Uncle Luke’s because you thought there was something wrong with me, and guess what? He tried to kill me! There’s no way you couldn’t have known what would happen! It was just a convenient way of getting rid of the son you never wanted. Maybe you would have wanted someone like Poe. By all rights, I should hate Poe. But he’s kind, and he’s good. And he loves me. Not based on what good I can do to the family but just...me.” Softer. “He came to see me. He cared about me. He cares about me...even if my own family just threw me away like garbage.”

Silence. 

Then, “Ben,” Leia said. “I really didn’t know about what Luke did. If he covered up an attempted murder, he was incredibly convincing. I...I wasn’t perfect. There were things left over from what your grandfather did that hampered my parenting.”

Ben nodded. 

Leia continued. “But you were never unwanted. I sent you to your uncle’s because I wanted to help you, Ben. It...obviously didn’t work out. But you weren’t unwanted. Not to me or your father.” Then, “Poe’s a good man, but I don’t think Shara Bey would appreciate me stealing her son.”

Ben swore his lips twitched. Just a little. 

"I just don’t know where you got half of what you said,” Leia said. “Did those voices tell you that?”

Ben, slowly, nodded. 

“Ben, they were wrong.” Leia blinked, and Ben could tell that she was blinking away tears. “The fact that they...were they doing it when you were a kid too?” At Ben’s nod, she swore. “Ben...they were wrong,” she said. “Or lying. Or both. I...I’m sorry.”

Slowly, Ben swore it was like he was disarming himself. In that moment, what seemed like a righteous spurt of anger suddenly was a case of missing the bigger picture. Too many details. Too many missing pieces. 

There had been a part of him that had tried to keep him from sinking into despair, and he just hadn’t listened. 

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “For what I said.”

”You didn’t know.” Leia said. “Really.” Then, “Ben...we’ll have to get you on the transport before the bombs drop. After that, I suppose, we’ll have to bring your uncle in for questioning.” Then, “Don’t worry, Ben. We’ll get it sorted out soon. I promise.”

”Yeah,” Ben said. “I should have known.”


End file.
